The Jazz Butcher
The Jazz Butcher Lyrics Shirley Maclaine


Shirley Maclaine
Put this man on a stand
Just play him to the punters
With a bloody great big card marked "before".
I'm not getting out of here
I'm not getting out even if I have to
Even if it's all I can do.

This is the reason I stopped going to the pictures
This is the last thing that I thought could ever happen
I want off this case
I want off this case
But I know my place
By the way I like your face


I've had a thing about Shirley Maclaine since I was so high
Yeah I've had a thing about Shirley Maclaine since I was so high

Some of my life's like Nosferatu
Where the German guys go Ahhhh
It's not like love and it isn't like sex
And it's going to be that way for always
Map of africa hour therapist's field-day
Batten down the hatches there's a fire in the engine room
Let's not do that let's not talk about it
I don't read those books and by the way I like your looks


Break down..

Kitty in a minefield doesn't set them off
Kitty in a minefield not heavy enough
Too cute to live too dumb to die
Too much in love to let it lie
Continental drift one more crowded elevator
Not another chemical attack from braindead matrons
Shut the door please shut the door
And flipper says "hi", yeah flipper says "bye-bye"


Shirley Maclaine in a minefield
Betty Davis in a minefield
Audrey Hepburn in a minefield
Francis Farmer in a minefield

Found On

Buy These Records
Condition Blue
For all the pain and crap from which this record was made, the actual sessions were a gigantic and wonderful party. This was warmly received by The Outside World, less popular among those who counted themselves JBC afficionados. This IS the sound of me having fun, and getting me to do that in those dark days of mid-1991 was no small job.
[Condition Blue cover thumbnail]
creation_records, sky_records LP;CD
One of the better Creation-era compilations. Canadian release.
[Unconditional cover thumbnail]
Western Family
For loonie completists only, for sure, though, if you listen through the muck, you'll see that we did our bit.
[Western Family cover thumbnail]
creation_records CD
¬°Excellent! The Violent Years
Millions of years ago, dinosaurs ruled the Earth. Today the Galileo Space Probe orbits mighty planet Jupiter. The Jazz Butcher Conspiracy first appeared in June 1982 in the back room of the Black Lion in Northampton. They finally drank the bar dry in a small town in in Mallorca on the 20th August 1996
[¬°Excellent! The Violent Years cover thumbnail]
The Jazz Butcher's Free Lunch
"You're not a band. You're a crack team of international restaurant critics" - Curtis E. Johnson
Purchase Now
( )
[The Jazz Butcher's Free Lunch cover thumbnail]
The Violent Years
Purchase Now
( )
[The Violent Years cover thumbnail]
Fire Records 4xCD

Pat Says

The Butcher Says..
Not, obviously enough, about the dear lady herself, more about a miserable rainy night in Camden and the extraordinary things that some people read these days. Remember, when somebody writes a "self-help" book that's exactly what they are doing: helping themselves. Flipper says "hi", by the way. Source: Unconditional liner notes

Live Stats

76 documented performances (click to explore)
1991 2 (JBC)
1992 16 (JBC)
1993 3 (JBC)
1994 3 (JBC)
2010 1 (Pat Solo)
2011 5 (Pat Solo)
2012 5
3 (Pat Solo)
2 (JBC)
2013 4
1 (Pat Solo)
3 (JBC)
2014 8 (JBC)
2015 9 (JBC)
2016 1 (JBC)
2017 5
1 (Pat Solo)
4 (JBC)
2018 5
1 (Pat Solo)
4 (JBC)
2019 4 (Pat Solo)
2020 1 (Pat Solo)
2021 4
3 (Pat Solo)
1 (JBC)


30 second snippet
5 Recorded Live Performances
2021-08-21 The Ferret - Preston, England
Credit: Ann Nazario
2015-04-17 16 Toneladas - Valencia, Spain
Credit: vantheman1987
2014-08-20 NN Cafe - Northampton, England
Credit: Philip Snow
2013-06-17 The Cake Shop - New York, USA
Credit: John Leon
2012-05-07 The Wheelbarrow - London, England
Credit: Charlie Pritchard