The best things in life are free
But you can give them to the SDP
I want to go to Tesco's store
And buy some drink and fall on the floor.

I don't care for smart new clothes
I don't care for reading books
I don't care for Quinn and Collins
I don't care for magazines

I don't like lemonade
I think milk should not be made
I don't like coffee and I don't like tea
These are the things that mystify me

I don't care for sport or swimming
I don't care for all those nasty old bogies
I don't care what's on TV
I just want to drink til I can't see

I wish I'd been born a tree
Someone'd come and make a barrel out of me
I get in a fury when I'm not in a brewery

Whiskey, Vodka, Special Brew
All of this is good for you
Gin sling, Cointreau, brandy sour...
Blot right out! Soul happy hour!