The Jazz Butcher
The Jazz Butcher Lyrics The Jazz Butcher Meets Count Dracula


The Jazz Butcher Meets Count Dracula
It was a dark and stormy night
There was someone making noises in the flat next door
It could give anybody a fright
If they didn't know who lived in the flat next door

Oooh, I ask you
Oooh, it could be anybody...

It was hell in the club last Friday
People were dancing when the lights went out
I mean a girl could get into trouble
If she couldn't see the face of the boy next door

I said, ooh, it could be a travelling salesman or something like that
Oooh, it could be hell on earth, honeychile, it could be Count Dracula

I knew as soon as I got there, I shouldn't have gone
The hallway was spooky, with no lights on
There was a squeaking of bats, and a rattle of chains
And nobody would stay there if they had any brains
But I was told it was a party, and I have no shame
Though I shouldn't be there, just the same
There was a ring of a bell, like a bell from hell
A wolf in the corner and a horrible smell
A coffin in the building kept banging around
Yeah and an evil stench and an eviler sound
I saw a man with red eyes, like he drank too much
And a couple of girls you wouldn't ever want to touch
There's stuff on the wall like what the devil wrote
There's a load of evil mothers yelling "go for the throat"

It was Dracula time
And that's time to go
It was Dracula time
And that's bad as you know

He looked me up and down and then he showed me his fangs
He was just about to go and then he sang
"I'm at war with this place
I'm going to blow this place up

I'm at war with my face
I want to blow my face up
I wanna blow my face up..."

Found On

Buy These Records
Blood on the Cats
Contribution: The Jazz Butcher Meets Count Dracula
heavier mix compared to "Draining..." version. The backing vocals are persistent through the entire song unlike "Draining..." version
Source: MonkeeMan 2021-07-01 (Thursday, 1st of July 2021 - 2 years 348 days ago)
[Blood on the Cats cover thumbnail]
Anagram LP,VHS
Southern Mark Smith
Recorded in the summer of 1983 in a place called Wellingborough, a small town in the middle of England where even the children are scarey!
[Southern Mark Smith cover thumbnail]
Glass Records 7er
The Gift Of Music
This record collects together the various singles that have been issued in England to date under the much-abused name of the Jazz Butcher, to wit: me. I rather like having them all in one place like this - it makes for a nice, noisey muck-it-up sort of disc that is ideal for leisure time at home, on the beach, in you local club.... hell, ANYWHERE!!!
[The Gift Of Music cover thumbnail]
Glass Records
Bloody Nonsense
The Jazz Butcher and his group are not in the business of belonging; they are too old and too obstreperous to conform to some attention-seeking image or commercially viable formula. Rather, they bring their not inconsiderable talents to bear on whatever happens to be in the way at the time. The results can only be described as essential.
[Bloody Nonsense cover thumbnail]
We were all disappointed at the way this came out. The concert was great, but logistics prevented us from making anything much more than a glorified bootleg. Still, live albums are best as souvenirs anyway, so I guess some people regard it fondly. Lots of entertaining photos to look at anyway...
[Hamburg cover thumbnail]
glass_records, Rebel LP
Draining The Glass
Glass Records era compilation.
Purchase Now
( )
[Draining The Glass cover thumbnail]
Fire Records
Dr Cholmondley Repents: A​-​sides, B​-​Sides and Seasides
Four CD box set gathering A-sides, the would-be hits along with B-sides, tangential 12-inch tracks (the C-sides), and an excellent session for Los Angeles radio station KCRW from 1989.

Includes over a dozen indie chart hits including ‘Southern Mark Smith’, ‘Girl Go’, ‘The Human Jungle’, ‘16 Years’ plus a host of truly eclectic Butcher tunes from his early Glass recordings through his time at Creation.

Purchase Now
( )
[Dr Cholmondley Repents: A​-​sides, B​-​Sides and Seasides cover thumbnail]
Fire Records 4xCD

Pat Says

The Butcher Says..
Southern Mark Smith and Jazz Butcher Meets Count Dracula were recorded in the summer of 1983 in a place called Wellingborough, a small town in the middle of England where even the children are scarey! "Hey, mister, can you SEE in them glasses?" I get to sing and play things like guitar, sax and piano. Max does the electric guitar. On bass is Rolo McGinty, and Princess Alice Thompson plays the organ. They're both in the The Woodentops now, a group internationally recognised as being the shortest collection of pop musicians in the world. Playing the drums is Kevin Haskins, a charming neighbour of mine, and veteran of the Bauhaus conspiracy. Miaowula! Source: The Gift Of Music liner notes

Live Stats

23 documented performances (click to explore)
1984 1 (JBC)
1985 4 (JBC)
1986 7 (JBC)
1988 5 (JBC)
1999 4 (JBC)
2001 1 (JBC)
2009 1 (Pat Solo)


Official Video